Breaking each Promise

When the black clouds dissolve 

slowly into the white light.

When the moon is high 

spreading light, peaceful and pleasant

There is a boat in middle of the sea

shining in your happiness

In the woods, where no one ever entered

Here I am,

In the middle of nowhere

all by myself

reminded of each day from my past,

breaking each promise

in the smoke i breath out;

Like an angel in white

boiling herself in anger and hatred.

I pledge to myself

to break each promise i made

to bleed in the flames i inhale

to forget you when i faint to a sleep, silent and deep.

Reviews

[Sagar Waingankar]

Good write but try to describe more out of your fortunes. You seem to be concentrating on a single piece for a bit long whereas you could describe more aspects to express yourself. Try working on yourself.

A nice write. Hope to hear from you again.

Regards,
Sagar Waingankar
Author of Rhythms!

[Me]

What a charming and well written piece and easily identified with by the reader

[Prem]

Beautifully written Sushi and I really enjoyed your work here. This is soo deep and It makes me to remember those nostalgic moments. Loved it. :)

[Avinash]

It's a melancholic one with good visual imagery and describes heartbreak with visuals and metaphor hard to ignore. Some typographic error is there in the 7th line if I m not wrong.

[sushi]

Thanks.... I missed that one :)

[Demii]

This has a lot of anger, stress and passion, and that sometimes makes a really good read, and write for you, you can easier write when angry to receive emotions you want to have down on the paper, good read, I liked it!

[Frieda P]

I like where you're going with this one sushi, promises needs to be singular since you used 'each'....and I think instead of repeating 'light' so often you could come up with something different to substitute so it's not so redundant imho, all around I like the sentiment here.

[Dream Weaver]

Passionate angry and very well written...Nicely done sushi....