I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just Emotional

Zoey has been institutionalized, and is finding that her emotions have begun taking over her, making her do things she normally wouldn't. Will she fight them off, or will Zoey succumb to her emotions?

 I’m Not Crazy, Just Emotional

                It’s pretty dark in here. Kind of cold, too. Not a lot of room to move either. Although, it’s not like I can move too much to begin with. Stupid straight jacket.

                I guess I deserve this smelly shithole, though. That’s what you get when you stab someone with a fork in the cafeteria at lunch.

                It’s not entirely my fault, though. The voices are always making me do dangerous things. I can’t control them. They completely take over my body, so I guess they’re not just voices. More like extra spirits or pieces of my soul or something.

                As I look around all I can see are shadows. I’ve seen this room before, though, if you want to call it that. That’s what they call it. It’s more like a cupboard, though. I know that the walls are pale, like the kind of colour you see in hospitals. I know that the chair I’m sitting on is the only piece of furniture in here and that there’s a small shelf in front of me. Right now I have a juice box with a long straw just sitting on that shelf. The juice tastes pretty gross, but when I get thirsty enough I don’t think I’ll care so much about the taste.

I wonder how long they’ll leave me in here. Probably pretty long, considering that it’s not my first offence. I’ve been living in this facility for around six months and this is actually my third time sitting here, on this chair, in the dark.

I sigh and close my tired eyes. It becomes even darker than before. I smile. I like the darkness. It makes me feel along, which is a relief because I’m hardly ever alone.

My moment of silence is over as fast as it came. I can hear them now, calling to me. They whisper my name, asking me to step aside so they can take control. There’s only three this time; not so bad. Not so much arguing this time. That’s what made me stab her; all the yelling had just been too much.

I’m starting to consider letting them take over when they begin getting louder. They’re shouting now, rattling my brain.

“Stop it!” I scream, attempting to wriggle free from the jacket. It’s no use. I’m too weak to do it on my own. I’m stuck.

I sigh in defeat and release my mind. Instantly it’s like I’ve died, but I’m just hanging in space. Everything is black except for me. It’s like I glow.

Suddenly another glowing being steps out of the darkness, but it’s glowing red, not white like me.

“Thank you, Zoey. Now be a good little girl and do as we say, okay?” the red being says.

“You know she’ll do it anyways. She has to,” another glowing being says. “We control her, so I don’t know why you bother.”

I just watch the glowing red and green beings, not sure what to do. If I can run that means I’ll be back on the outside and they’ll scream and holler at me for leaving. If I stay they’ll take over and make me do bad things. Either way I lose.

“I just wanted to be polite,” the red being says.

“You’re anger, you’re not supposed to be polite to anyone,” a pink being says, stepping from the darkness.

“Yeah, you’re supposed to be angry,” the green being says.

“You think I don’t know that?” the red being screams, flying at the green being, getting right up in her face. “Maybe I just wanted a change in my boring-a*s life! But you know what I think? I think you’re just jealous of me!”

“Yeah, I am. I’m envy, remember? I’m supposed to be jealous!”

I whimper, dropping to the floor. If you can call it that. Everything’s so dark I can’t tell whether I’m floating or actually sitting.

“Zoey, get the f**k up!” the bed being screams.

I stand quickly, cowering away from her.

“Get over here!”

I walk over to here, my footsteps echoing faintly around me. When I reach her I stop and close my eyes, waiting. I know what’s going to happen, so I brace myself for it.

I can feel her heat as she forced her way into my body, and I gasp. Suddenly it’s like I’m flying. Then I’m back in my physical body.

Before I can even blink my body is being forced to bang on the door of the tiny room I’ve been sitting in for the last three hours. The straight jacket hangs from my waist, arms torn. Then I’m screaming, not even using coherent words. My hands are bloody and my voice is hoarse, but it keeps going. I’m screaming with rage, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Suddenly the door flies open and I fall to the floor. I’m fully aware of my body now. The anger is gone.

Pain rips through my hands and I cry out. Then the guards appear, one carrying a syringe. I try to protest, but my voice is too weak. They poke the needle into my arm and everything begins to go fuzzy. As my eyes close, more voices join the envy and anger, but their words are starting to fade. Eventually everything is black again, but there’s complete silence.

When I wake up, I’m lying in a white bed in a white room. Machines are monitoring my heart and there’s a guard standing directly outside the door, his back to me.

The voices are quiet at first, my mind still slightly foggy, but they quickly escalate. There’s more this time, but no envy or anger. They’re gone.

Knowing it would be too hard to fight any of them, I release my mind again and submit myself to the darkness.

“Well, that was easy,” a voice says calmly.

I open my eyes and, sure enough, I’m in complete darkness, just as I expected, glowing white like a ghost. A glowing blue being steps in front of me and stares serenely at me.

“Of course it w-was easy,” a small voice says. “She’s g-given up f-f-fighting us.”

A purple being steps from the darkness, following her a yellow and a gray being.

“Would you please stop blubbering and calm down,” the blue being says.

“Yeah, be happy,” the yellow being says cheerfully.

“I’m s-s-sorry. I can’t help it. I’m s-s-supposed to b-be sad,” the purple being stammers through her tears.

“I hate crying,” the gray being says. “Just shut up!”

“Everybody, calm down,” the blue being says. “Now, look here. It’s your turn, sadness, so collect yourself and hurry up.”

I watch them talk and just stand quietly. I know what’s about to happen next, and there’s no use fighting. I walk over to them and wait.

The purple figure turns to me and sniffs. “Oh, look. She’s g-g-given up.”

“Oh well, just hurry up please.”

The purple being suddenly flies at me with a loud cry and then I’m flying through the darkness. After a moment I’m back in my body. My cheeks are wet.

I can still hear her in my head, separate from my own thoughts.

Suddenly, my head turns to the left. There is a sharp piece of metal on the table next to my bed. Why it’s there is beyond me, but my hand still shoots out and grabs it.

“Your life is n-not worth living anymore,” she cries inside my head.

My hand lifts up and then rests on my opposite wrist. Then I’m forcing the metal deep into my flesh, slicing it across my wrist. I cry out, well not me really. It’s more like she cries out, using my body. I can’t feel the pain yet, but she can.

Suddenly blood begins to seep from my wrist, flowing onto the white sheets, staining them crimson. The machines begin to beep as my heart races and my body starts to convulse violently. Then the guard from outside is by my side.

There’s one more loud cry and then she’s gone. I’m completely aware now.

The pain is overwhelming. I want to scream and thrash around, but they stop me and hold me down. I can’t move. Suddenly a doctor is there, fussing over my wrist. I can’t see what he’s doing, but I sure can feel it. I swear loudly and repeatedly.

Somewhere someone is whispering that everything will be okay, but I’m not really listening. I’m concentrating on avoiding the pain and letting go. If I let go someone else will take over and everything will be fine, just like they’re saying.

Eventually I’m able to release my mind and I’m flying into the darkness for the third time. As soon as I land, I scream,” Someone make it stop! Please, just make it go away!” I have no idea if I’m actually saying this aloud or if it’s just in my head, but I don’t care; I can’t take it anymore.

“Just relax, Zoey. We’ll make it away,” the blue being says, returning from the darkness. There is absolutely no panic in his voice.

“Please,” I whimper, collapsing to the floor.

“No, no, no,” the blue being says. “You have to stand up.”

I stand and look down at my glowing feet. I look up just in time to see the blue being jump inside me.

A few seconds later I’m back in my body again, but I can’t feel the pain anymore.

The doctor is still there, reading my charts. Two more guards have now joined the previous guard. I know what this. Suicide watch.

“This is not good,” the blue being mutters inside my head. I have no idea what she’s talking about. I’m still alive, so it seems fine to me.

Suddenly the doctor looks my way. “Oh, look who’s awake. How do you feel, Zoey?” he asks.

On the outside, the blue being shrugs for me, but on the inside I’m screaming, trying to tell him everything. Nothing escapes my mouth; not a word. I’m not in control.

“Hmm,” the doctor says. He pauses for a moment, flipping through my charts, and then walks closer to my bed. “Now, Zoey, can you tell me why you did this?”

“I don’t know,” I mumble calmly.

“I see. Well, we’re going to have to watch you extra carefully now, aren’t we? Figure out what’s going on in that head of yours and make sure this never happens again.”

“I guess so.”

The doctor steps slowly back, glances at one of the machines, and then re-reads my charts. He frowns and pushes a button. “There you go,” he says, scribbling on the paper. “Everything is okay now.”

The room begins to fade and so does the calm. But, just as the panic starts to settle in and I feel more like myself, the world goes black and I’m all alone.

This time I don’t even get a chance to open my eyes. As soon as I have one conscious thought they’re all screaming at me. All of them. I have no choice but to let them control me; they practically pull me in. I don’t even want to fight them anymore.

As soon as I’m standing in the darkness with them the yelling stops. They’re all standing in front of me, staring right at me.

“What’s going on?” I ask in a whisper.

“What’s going on is you’re still alive,” someone says.

I just stare, confused.

“You know you want to die,” someone else says.

I say nothing.

Suddenly the purple being flies over to me. “I’m so sorry about this,” she cries. Then she slams into me and my body is sliding through the darkness. My glow flickers and dims slightly as I stand up. The purple being is gone, but I’m still in control; definitely not normal.

The blue being flies over. “This really isn’t that big of a deal, you know. It’s what you want, so just relax,” she says. Suddenly she runs into me, knowing my body through the air. The blue being is gone.

My glow flickers again and becomes duller. I can’t stand anymore.

Then the yellow being is standing in front of me. “I’m just so happy that you’re finally getting what you really want,” she says cheerfully. Then she pounces on my and I whack my head on the ground.

My glow is almost gray now.

Next thing I know, the pink being is standing over me. She almost looks sympathetic. “I’ll always love you. This is best for both of us,” she says. Then she falls on top of me. I cringe, but then it’s like a punch to the stomach. I can’t breathe. The pink being is gone, but my glow is getting darker.

I close my eyes and concentrate on drawing a few breaths. When I reopen my eyes, the green being is standing over me. “I’m just so jealous. I wish I was you.” Then she jumps onto my body. suddenly it’s like someone squeezes my heart. I cry out in pain.

“Get up, Zoey! Don’t be such a wimp! We don’t have time for this!” the red being yells.

I stagger slowly to my feet.

“God, you take forever! It just makes me so mad!” she screams, charging at me. When she hits me I fly through the air, landing hard on my back. She’s gone and my glow is only a dull flicker.

“I really hate you, Zoey!” the gray being says, hovering over me. Her eyes are narrowed and she glaring at me. “You’re just so f*****g stupid! Why couldn’t you have just died when we tried to help earlier! You just don’t get it!” Suddenly her hand shoots out and she punches me square in the chest.

Everything goes black. 

Author's Note

please, please, please let me know what you think!