there's nothing special about tonight, tonight.

A Poem by Sarah Wilson

but i'm breathing better than i have in days.
and sleeping better than i have in weeks.

i know who my friends i are, and i know
who they certainly are not.

i carry no guilt, i carry no shame.
the mistakes i've made do not define me,
and i can sleep well at night knowing i live honestly.

i will dance badly whenever the mood strikes me,
because i've got people who will love me still.
i will sing loudly whenever the mood strikes me,
because i've got people who will love me still.

if this is happiness, i will carry it forever.
because this is having sadness, but not being sad,
having fear, but not being scared,
having shame, but not being ashamed.
this is having loved, being loved, loving in the future,
and loving in the past, all at the same time.

this is missing her, and missing her, too,
but not thinking about it unless i mean to.
this is grieving and being angry, but not so much
grief-stricken and furious.

this is losing, and having lost, and knowing i will lose,
but holding on and keeping it around,
because i know how i felt and how i feel,
and i know how you felt too.

this is how i feel, tonight, and i think
this might be what everyone looks for
when they peek around corners or
jump in front of closed elevator doors.