it was an accident, and that's all i can say.

i burned that letter your sister sent. 10-12-2010.

my throat dries out and
my lungs cramp up.
my hands start to shake and
my heart beats too fast.

you cross your legs and
lean in close, and i
can feel your corpse breath
on
my
skin.

i close my eyes and
pray you'll leave.
you remind me i
always begged for you
to stick around, for just
one
more
night.

you and i both know this
is not what i had in mind.
your bludgeoned thigh and
your massacred wrists
are not what i had in mind.
your starry-eyed gaze and
your vomit crusted mouth
are not what i had in mind.

why do you insist on
reminding me of a night
i didn't witness?
my imagination has created
a video that is all too real.

i see you and
i hear you
like i was there.
like it was all my
f*****g
fault.

i'm sorry i let you bleed
to death in your
own bed.
i'm sorry i let you take
one bottle of pills
too many.
i'm sorry i let you
asphyxiate on your
own vomit.

but please, please,
you've got to let me
turn this movie off.
you've got to rest in
peace. [or in pieces.]

otherwise, i'll be joining you shortly.
but i guess you'd like that,
wouldn't you?

you did always think death was
so very, very f*****g glamorous.