Ten Rules for Gaining the Favor of the American People and Winning...

10 Rules for Gaining the Favor of the American People and for Possibly Winning the 2016 Republican Presidential Candidacy

 

Rule number 1--this one's important:

Be extremely outspoken and crass.

In fact, you'll gain more popularity,

The more you act like a pain in the a*s.

 

The 2nd rule is to be insulting--

Insult everybody you can.

Call other people no good or stupid

And you will impress many a fan.

 

Rule number 3: be a bully.

Show 'em the stuff that you're made of, and when

That falls short, your crass materialism

Should impress 'em again and again.

 

Make sure your tone is rude and brusque:

This makes rule number 4.

Remove reporters who ask tough questions

So they won't bother you anymore.

 

The 5th rule: blast immigrants;

Make them a scapegoat and propose

A plan to stop all undocumented

Immigrants from being the source of our woes.

 

Rule number 6: criticize women;

Make them targets to belittle and disparage.

Praise traditional matrimony

While you jump from marriage to marriage.

 

Be narcissistic is rule number 7;

Boast about your wealth and your power.

Self-aggrandizement will get you

Attention (especially if you've got a tower).

 

Rule number 8: criticize the government

By saying our country is weak; then spew

More invective and suggest that people

Ought to be more vitriolic--like you.

 

Next, divorce politics from thought:

This rule is rule number 9.

Make generalizations with no explanations

And never admit that you've crossed the line.

 

Rhetorical excess is rule number 10;

Blow everything out of proportion.

Use grandiose and bombastic ramblings

And people will overlook each distortion.

 

There you have it: ten clear-cut ways

To show the people that you've got verve.

And those who cast their votes your way

Will end up getting what they deserve.

 

(8-26-15)