Hail to Thee, C-o-l-o-n-o-s-c-o-p-y!*

Have you ever prepped for a c-o-l-o-n-o-s-c-o-p-y*?

That's what I get to do today.

It means no solid food for me;

Clear broth will be my entrée.

 

I get to drink as much water

And juice as I want; but there's a catch:

The constant need of a toilet nearby--

A slight downside to "Down the hatch!"

 

Another rule: I must not let

Anything RED pass through my mouth.

Apparently, red things tend to

Cause confusion…well…down "south."

 

When passing by the bakery window

Where freshly-baked sweets are lying,

I know it will be torture for me

To hear my stomach growling and crying.

 

I do get to eat popsicles--

That is, as long as they aren't red.

Maybe I can just pretend

That they're tacos or pizza instead.

 

I have to STOP thinking about food.

I know my hunger pains won't last

Forever, and I can always say

I’m on a liquid and popsicle fast.

 

When the real clean-out starts

Later in the afternoon,

That's when the fun REALLY begins!

Help! I want this over soon!

 

I will spare you those details.

Just know that more adventures follow.

I'll be relieved after this prep

And my trip to the surgery center tomorrow.

 

(But let me warn you: I really don't

Mean to freak you out, but

Don't worry if it feels as though

You're peeing out of your you-know-what!)

 

The actual procedure is not that bad--

Once I get through today and tonight.

I won't feel or remember a thing;

Hopefully, I'll be out like a light.

 

The doctor is also performing an upper

G.I. e-n-d-o-s-c-o-p-y.* I strongly hope

That when he does it, he is certain

That he's using a different scope.

 

Too much information? Maybe.

But if you've never done this, you

At least know all the wonderful things

You have to look forward to.

 

(11-29-15)

*The site didn't accept the medical terms, so I wrote them with hyphens. Weird.