How to Obstruct an Investigation

Obstructing an investigation

Is really easier than one thinks.

Surround yourself with fawning fans

To help you work out all the kinks.

 

It helps if you can early on

Fire the head of the whole shebang,

And then sully his reputation

With every subsequent harangue.

 

Build distrust in the FBI

So when the people hear those initials,

They'll remember how you impugned

The credibility of law officials.

 

Spread the fear that a secret society,

Cleverly organized and malicious,

Is out to get you, even though

In reality, it's fictitious.

 

Let your "friends" in Congress create

Alternate scandals that detract

From your investigation, even

Though they are not based on fact.

 

A news station that has the least

Credibility helps a great deal--

One that pedals conspiracy theories

With unabashed passion and zeal.

 

Undermine investigative

Efforts by frequently causing confusion,

And then repeat ad nauseum

"No collusion! No collusion!"

 

Using some Stalinesque techniques

Helps your cause, and once you've begun,

The people, too, will call the media

Public enemy number one.

 

Having power will make you feel

That you possess unlimited choices.

If democracy gets in the way,

Keep on trying to quiet voices.

 

All of the strategies listed above--

If they're mercilessly applied--

Will come in handy, especially

If you have something to hide.

 

-by Bob B (1-25-18)