The Fate of John Billington

Some folks are descendants

Of Hamilton or Grant.

They can proudly boast,

While there are some who can't.

Well, I have the honor--

You will plainly see

That "honor" here is used

Quite sarcastically--

 

Of being a descendant

Of one with dubious fame.

In case you wonder, John

Billington was his name.

Ten years after his

Arrival in the year

1620, he

Was executed here.

 

Hey, Johnny!

Whaddya say?

Why’d you have to

Die that way?

You had to push

The envelope

To end up hanging

From a rope.

 

The Mayflower was

His means of transportation.

Fleeing debt, he hoped

To rise above his station.

His wife and two young sons

Joined him on the trip.

One mischievous son

Almost blew up the ship.

 

His son was thinking, "Hey,

This is loads of fun!"

While he played around

With his father's gun.

Stupidly, he put

The whole ship in peril

When he fired a shot

Near a gunpowder barrel.

 

John Billington was

Always in a jam.

About propriety

He didn't give a damn.

I guess he thought he was

A wise and clever chap.

But he should have known

When to shut his trap.

 

Hey, Johnny!

Whaddya say?

Why’d you have to

Die that way?

You had to push

The envelope

To end up hanging

From a rope.

 

A quarrel with a neighbor,

John Newcomen, led

John Billington to

Completely lose his head.

Billington shot Newcomen,

Who shortly thereafter died.

Two juries called it

An act of homicide.

 

There was no escaping

Punishment this time.

Billington was forced

To pay for his crime.

Fortunately, even

Though this story's grim,

I can proudly say

I don't take after him!

 

Hey, Johnny!

Whaddya say?

Why’d you have to

Die that way?

You had to push

The envelope

To end up hanging

From a rope.

Hanging from a rope!

 

-by Bob B (6-29-29)