Poor Henry

If Henry Higgins were actually living,

Certainly, he would be unforgiving

When hearing how English is spoken today.

I can imagine what Henry might say:

 

"English speakers who massacre grammar

Ought to be thrown into the slammer,

And there in the slammer they should remain

Until they treat English with much less disdain.

 

"Their usage of pronouns is simply atrocious.

One thing that makes me feel ferocious

Is when they use 'him' when they ought to use 'he,'

Or when they misuse both 'I' and 'me.'

 

"The past tense of verbs is not hard to learn,

And yet it's a practice that some people spurn.

The past tense of 'string'--the verb--is 'strung.'

The past tense of 'sing' is 'sang,' not 'sung.'

 

"And then there's the overuse of 'like.'

Has formal English gone on strike?

'I was like…,' 'He was like…,' 'She was like..' Damn!

That's even hard to diagram!

 

"And what about the subjunctive mood?

When speakers misuse it, I come unglued.

'If I was you…' grates on my ears.

'If I would have known…' brings me to tears.

 

"Some people call it language abuse

And throw up their arms and say, 'What's the use?'

Social media makes it worse.

To some it's a blessing; to me it's a curse.

 

"Unfortunately, rules are broken

Wherever the English language is spoken.

A language will change. Yes, that I know.

Oh, but it's painful to see it change so!"

 

-by Bob B (3-27-22)

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

A witty write and very well executed too Bob. I have to agree that there has been a decline in standards over the years. You have highlighted many instances. An entertaining read.

Chris

[JE Falcon]

This was different, witty, and a fun read. ---
Poor Henry swayed in the linguicidal breeze
Unable to understand the weeds from the trees.
His genetic makeup filled his linguistical cup
But knowledge of his species brought him to his knees. --- JEF :)