Recruiting for ICE

Looking for a job?

One that's really nice?

Then step right up and join the team

Simply known as ICE.

 

Got a record maybe

That's disqualifying?

That's no problem. Just be good

At bullying and lying.

 

Cannot pass a drug test?

Something's got you hooked?

That's all right. We will let

That be overlooked.

 

Are the academic

Requirements too tough?

We'll take that into account

And waive them. Good enough?

 

The physical requirements:

Too hard? That's okay.

When you do your pull-ups, we

Will look the other way.

 

Is one of your talents

Harassment? Then, of course,

You will fit right in, for you

Can use excessive force.

 

The ICE directors want

You to serve with pride

While YOU'RE inflicting pain upon

The people nationwide.

 

If you have a conscience,

Leave it, please, at home.

You won't need it when you serve

The likes of Kristi Noem.°

 

If roughing people up

Lifts your spirits high,

Then ICE needs you to terrorize

The nation. Come apply.

 

-by Bob B (10-24-25)

 

°Secretary of Homeland Security