Assault with a Deadly Sandwich

The gods of hilarity must be having fun.

Beware of any deadly roll or bun,

For you know many things can be amiss

When subs can put an end to daily bliss.

A man, Sean Dunn, insists the DOJ,

Is dangerous and should be put away.

 

What did he do? Oh, horror to behold!

The man, displaying anger, tried to scold

A federal agent wearing a bulletproof vest

And with his sub he hit him in the chest.

Assault with a deadly sandwich was the claim.

The DOJ says Dunn should live in shame.

 

In court the agent said the sub exploded

On his chest. My goodness! It was loaded!

What could be more deadly than a sub?

MUST I now forsake my Subway club?

The prosecutor's case, of course, fell short,

And the case was laughed right out of court.

 

Mr. Dunn--"Not guilty!"--was acquitted.

A misdemeanor hadn't been committed.

But that won't stop the DOJ, for it

Lost one case, but it won't throw a fit.

What's next? A case of deadly pumpernickel?

A deadly pizza? Or a deadly pickle?

 

-by Bob B (11-7-25)