Within living memory

Don’t rhyme my tears, portray cheerful smiles,

They may look so forced, barefaced lies.

Kissing your glance and due heart’s allegory,

I stand near breathless, within living memory.

Reviews

[lee von cleef]

Kissing your glance, Wow!

Fun how tight thoughts tie together so well...well done.

[Mariam]

very glad that you like)

[MOON]

Beautifully conveyed , like your style.

[Mariam]

thank you)

[Coyote Poetry]

Each short statement with reason and purpose in this poem. No wasted words or emotion in the poem. We can be held breathless and wishing for things lost often in a life. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mariam]

thanks for reading and your wonderful review :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Love this :) you know I am your fan :) i like your style of writing it is some sort of classic and eloquent piece. keep writing!

[Mariam]

thank you again!:) glad you like

[Inda]

Forced rhymes, but still it works here. Great piece, can be interpreted in different ways. Love it!

[Mariam]

thanks for a kind review)

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

Great phrasing, interesting turns:

They may look so forced, barefaced lies.
Kissing your glance and due heart’s allegory

And this is your 3rd language?

[Mariam]

yep :)

[sithlordjp]

I really like your style, makes for an intense read, full of resonance and wonder... Thank you for sharing!

[Mariam]

Thank you for an encouraging review :) happy that you like.

[Sami Khalil]

This is great Mariam . You have done a good job...:)

[Mariam]

aww blushing me

[Sami Khalil]

Hahaha. I can't see but I will take your words...Just kidding...:)

[Mariam]

hahaha:) anyways...thank you

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome. I'll visit more often...:)

[Cookie]

I like this. You should expand it!

[Mariam]

thank you for reading ...It's difficult for me to write about love, but I may try :)

[Cookie]

You should. I think it'd be worth it.

[Mariam]

thanks for encouraging :)

[Trigorin]

You have a good concept and I think the brevity works for you here, but some of your language is just a tad stilted and odd. Perhaps look over this a little more closely?

[Mariam]

Thanks!I appreciate your review, perhaps I'm odd too. I agree with your opinion about the language...I can't do anything with it.If you could tell me perhaps what you find odd here, I would be glad to know. I'm fond of persian poetry and it's language is a bit stilted, you know.So maybe that's why my style is just alike.

[Trigorin]

The part that stood out the most to me was the second line. I feel like it would make more sense if you replaced 'so' with 'like', since that would be drawing a comparison. The second half of the third line, too, is a little unclear, and while it is a nice poetic image, it's just a little foggy as to what exactly it means.

[Mariam]

I see thanks a lot, very nice of you.I should think of it...