“Inside beyond the Cataclysm of Dementia”

How by what way did I get here?

It was after the diagnoses of one man’s on-set condition that he cried with inward tears because he couldn’t for the life of him understand; why him?

Told by his attending physician, that one of the symptoms of his particular ailment was that all of his 51 years of accumulated thoughts, hopes, wishes and dreams would now, if not already enter a stage of slowly erasing themselves from his memories in bits and pieces as the waning days, weeks, months and years of his life went on.

It was a truly sad thing for one frightened man to come to grips with; good news and bad news all in the same day. First being told by his doctor to which his doctor presumed was the good news, yet in no way was his onset condition said to be an automatic death sentence. Where in-fact his doctor then went on to explain that how there have been those in this same condition and situation who had come to live moderately well and into their 70’s and even 80’s all according to the john Hopkins university’s research case study’s; but on a side note; in the end all the doctors couldn’t have been more wrong, especially when it actually came to this one man’s own life expectancy projection, and that was supposed to be the good news. Where the bad news on the other hand, was that because of this particular disorder that he’d now contracted; he was laterally informed that somewhere within his very-near future that he would more than likely lose more than a few of his primal abilities, including his train of thought, and the ability to hold on to certain memory’s, as well as his ability to straight forward conversations, but yet in those times he’d be driven on pure instincts alone, where according to those around him, it would only seem like a little less than normal behavior. And even after having a full diagnosis and warned of all the impending stages, side effect and decelerated symptoms of his onset condition, this one man still continued to weigh-in his own options while struggling deep within his self in-order to make himself heard loud and clear outside of his exhausting memories long before they became completely depleted, and or unable to be revived ever again.

Where according to this one man’s own life's philosophy; long before he was even diagnosed with his condition; his was a standard way of life that he upheld with pride and dignity, one where he strongly believed that all was good with the world, at- lease in his world as he often considered his self to be in perfect sync and harmony with the universe, just like the precision hand movements of a Swiss watch. Whereby every movement that he once thought to make in life, and the choices he chose for his self were all well calculated down to the precise minute. But then he woke-up one estranged morning feeling completely exhausted, and to some degree abstractedly out of touch with reality, and for that brief moment in time he couldn't even remember for the life of him, who or where he was. However, that fleeting moment soon passed without incident and only a slight remembrance to him that it had even occurred.

So at that time thinking nothing more about this single anomaly, and as the grains of sand continued to gradually pour through the hourglass in relation to time, it started happening to him more often over time. Where in that same continuum, he then began experiencing memory lapses, as well as started forgetting things; said to be simple things. that at times would leave him standing in the middle of his living room floor scratching his head while wondering to his self, where was he headed, or what was he supposed to do next. To-which the way he first saw it, at that time; all he really needed was just some much needed rest, as well as a dire need to slow down on his drinking habits along with all those other extracurricular activities that were beginning to wear him down like an eraser on the end of a pencil.

Though be it indecisively, what was unknown to this one man at that time during the on-going stages of an unknown condition, that he had no idea he was suffering from, was that his downward spiral had already began entering the developmental stages of his symptoms that were slowly taking its toll on his memory and thought process.

And while there was nothing that he thought to do about it at that time, other than to willingly submit his-self to a slow down procedure, that which was said to set itself apart from his normal activities and lifestyle, yet still, he didn't have the slightest clue as to what it really was that his brain was desperately trying to communicate to him by way of his lapses in memory's.

All the while it never once dawned on this one lone individual, that it could possibly be somewhat more of a medical nature instead of a physical exertion as he first assumed. So instead of seeking the proper medical treatment, and or advice from a doctor, or a qualified physician at that time, he unobtrusively went-on about his continued clandestine lifestyle, but only now at a slightly slower pace then what he was normally used to, and this was only done, in order to regenerate what he believed he was losing out of sheer exhaustion on his part; after-all not knowing the full spectrum of his impending condition he still partied, drank, and went to work on a daily basis, just like he normally did without a hitch.

Where it wasn't until about six months later-on down the road that he was finally diagnose at the VA hospital, after more than a few accidental mishaps, with one particular incident involving his own vehicle, which had somehow managed to run him over; did he then learn that his life would never be the same from that point-on, which was then the very first time that he found his self in-deeply asking of himself, How did I get here?

Where it was only after learning from the staff of doctors that his life would never be the same, did this one man have a number of questions of deep concerns, about this stricken condition that he was now said to be suffering from. But just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, it was during this same interview/ conversation with his doctors on the same day in question that he was also informed that his life ahead in time would gradually get worse as the days, weeks, months and years went-on.

Yet, it was never implied that it was a mandated death sentence, but to this one man it might as well had been a pronounced death sentence, because from that time on he would be remanded to live out the remainder of his existing life grasping at his own memories, both personal and shared. Where he was more than sure, even to the point of being over-confident and arrogant about where he’d eventually be, ten to fifteen years from now. But as it now stands, he was given no other choices in life but to embrace his memories as his forward thinking process, because from this point-on all of his hopes, dreams and ideas, would never see the light of day outside of his own dwindling thoughts.

Where after the initial shock began to settled-in to those who cared for him, he himself still wasn’t completely convinced that his illness would never go away as he continued to analytically question his own onset condition over and over again in his own head against the outcome of his doctors diagnoses of their findings, where he hoped to overcome this affliction as he desperately searched his entire memory banks for stock footage in order to prevail under his own solutions. It was during the course of his everyday thinking, and not just only in those fleeting waking moments of the day, but also in his world of sleepless dreams at night. To-which these unanswered questions continued to linger somewhere in his subconsciousness concerning the "How's, and why did it have to be him who came to be the one, who was selected to end-up being the lottery winner in this awful God forsaken situation in the first place?"

While at times these days as he retains a little more than 85% of his physical capabilities; this one man still through his own will, strength, and determination, tries at every turn to set himself apart from the so-many others, who also come to find themselves in a similar like situation such as his, by continuing his daily normal sub routines to the best of his abilities; abilities that at times he found harder and harder to accomplish under his own rules of thumb as clearly as he once use-to.

It’s the world of litigation's, medical expenses, and financial woes, that’s no-longer a top priority concern of his, because as it now stands, aside from the daily crisis and continued troubles of the world, it's his own thoughts, that on a day-to-day bases continue to dwindle away, thereby at certain times leaving him unable to think beyond the scope of his own inability’s to comprehend and fully understand his medical condition, and the real reasons why it was happening to him. Which is why that outside of his own diminishing thoughts, there's a present day host of inquisitive individuals on standby, more than willing to assist him along, which at times includes not only just his administrative doctors and their staff of well qualified clinical researchers who spends their time researching and analyzing the specifics of this particular ailment, but also his close-knit family members and friends, being those who once resided somewhere within his day-to-day daily thoughts.

However, as of lately it’s his aging mother and older brother as well as the world of medical research and the continued problems of the world outside of his intermittent thinking, that’s now considered to be an indigenous situation that finds itself beyond the realm of his innermost daily thoughts and interest these days, at-least not on the surface of how his now traumatized mind now works.

While it’s not only just on his mother’s behalf, but also his siblings, who more times than not these days, it can be said, that they're the ones who responsibilities it is to do his actual thinking and the planning of his solemn days ahead for him.

At present time, it’s a non-treatable medical condition that he happens to suffer from; one that seems to have happened without an a fore warning to its unexpected approach from the distant horizon, thereby causing not only just his mother but also his sibling family members; being between his own 5 brothers and 4 sisters, who over the years have come to live-out their own independent and productive lives, to now looking at their own life's goals and forward progress outside of his, in a totally different light and set of circumstances in order to see to his certain medical, and daily require-mental needs from time-to-time.

Whereas it being, his mother and sibling family members who now sees themselves as being not only just his loving family during his plighted condition, but now this same loving family also sees themselves at times, as being the ones looked-at by the outside world in a morals court, as being his life-line, his guardians, and his overseers from this day forward.

Sad as it is to say, as well as it is to witness first hand, the declining health condition of a parent, a spouse, sibling family members, or a close friend. However it being, it's this unfortunate situation which has come to be one of the many unforeseen maladjustment's in life that so many of us will come to experience in this ever changing world of ours during the course of our life time.

What’s now in question is this particular condition that sees itself in this case as being a morals, physical, and emotional challenge of a concerned family, and one close friend’s over-all test of wills, inner strength, and patience to deal with a medical ailment such as this; as it came to be an incurable medical condition that no one, not even his mother, sibling family members, and or friends could have ever foreseen in their own awareness of thinking, as even coming to this point.

Chapter One:

Searching for an answer.