Shell

This is a new version of an older poem.

Shell

All that remains is this hollow shell,
A relic of that one day in hell.
The things I loved have turned to dust;
Even my favorite songs have succumbed to rust.

Stress and worry are the air I breathe,
With jagged thoughts that swell and seethe.
I’ve weighed the steel against my skin,
But that’s a war I refuse to let win.

How much longer can I drift this way?
A ghost in the light, a blur in the gray.
Smiling through a fractured face,
While losing my light in this empty space.

The darkness gains its silent ground,
Swallowing hope without a sound.
So tell me, which mask fits the lie today?
I’m asking you�"what is there left to say?

© Jordan Mandic 2025

Author's Note

Thoughts, feelings, emotions brought up?

Reviews

[♍ Kirstin ♎]

This is really good and you can feel a scense of hoplessness when reading it. I love the line "So which mask should I wear today?" that's often one of my thoughts. But one quick question on the 3rd last line shouldn't the phrase "Every so slowly..." be "Ever so slowly..."

[ashley]

Wow, this is powerful. I know this feeling. You've expressed the emotions perfectly. Great job!

[Vin]

I really like this, it's something that I and a lot of others can totally relate to. You capture the idea of being separated from everyone else and having to hide from them so well. My favourite lines were definitely "Everything I had is gone/
Don't enjoy my favorite song" everyone feels like this at least once in their lives and it is a great description for those times. Great write here, well done!

-Beth

[Joy Lynn B.]

I can really relate! Keep up the great writing! =)

[Jade (insanity)]

Beautiful. And I totally relate. As if no one can really see.
Great job,
Jade

[MissWordSmith]

Alright, I actually love the idea of this poem but I have serious issues with the flow. I feel like everywhere a couple of words have to be added or removed.

For example..

"All that is left is a shell
Ever since I spent that day in hell
Everything I had is gone
Don't enjoy my favorite song
****"

That was your first stanza.. the words and emotion is wonderful.. but the flow would read a little better if it was something like this..

"All that is left, is thIS LONELY shell
That one particular day in hell
Everything I had is SUDDENLY gone
I don't even enjoy my favorite song"

U getting what I'm saying?
The words are all there, but they need a little tweaking and editing.

Nice job anyhow!!
Keep writing !!!

NYTG

[A.Lee]

I really liked the last stanza of this piece. Well phrased & thought provoking. A few places it seemed like you were forcing it to rhyme though. Overall, nice work.