My Gordian Knot

How my inability to talk openly about my violent past is hurting me.

You
Call it
Survivor's guilt
But to me
It is shame.

How
I let myself
Become a punching bag
For others.

Worse
Continued
Coming back
For more.

Like
A moth attracted
To the open
Flame.

Knowing
Sooner or later
Cuts and bruises
Would cover
My body.

Why
Did I
Let this happen
Over and over
Again?

While
Silently
I lived my life
By trying to avoid
Telling anyone
Until now.

As
My mental walls
Come tumbling
Down.

Even now
Talking about this
Is very hard.

I
Prefer not to
But I need
To release this
Safely.

Sigh.

Author's Note

Originally written September 17, 2012.