The Reason Why

Had

You ask me

Why I felt this need

To transition

Before now.

I

Could not

Honestly and truly

Tell you

Why.

Beyond

It felt right

To me.

Now

After almost 4 years

Of taking hormones

And several counselors

Later.

I

Understand why

And feel comfortable

In sharing.

Having

Been born

A male to female

Transsexual.

Transitioning

For me

Is for the medical

And spiritual solution

In uniting

A fractured soul.

Long

Held suppressed

By my own

And society's fears

But no more.

Having

Reached the depth

Of my own personal Hell

Which death shone

Brightly.

As

Depression

And anxiety sank

Their unforgiving claws

Into me.

Spurring on

By the development

Of self-hatred

And loathing

Towards my physical

Body.

Before

The age of twelve

I tried several times

To end my life

But failed.

Further

Fueling my feeling

Of being

A total failure.

While

Keeping my parents

In the dark

About my suicidal attempts

And my true feelings

Concerning my birth

Gender.

In

Repressing

This growing despair

Which I was taught

To "suck it up".

As

Boys are not

Suppose to be free

In displaying

Their true emotions.

Yet

Once

I made up

My mind

To transition.

It

Felt like

A 10 tonne elephant

Had been removed

From my body

For the first time

In my life.

Beginning

The slow integration

Of my body and soul

As one.

Author's Note

Originally written June 7, 2012.