Victory Over Fear

A huge step forward.

Huge red circle

Marks my calendar

For September 20th.

A day

Five years ago

Which forever

Changed my life

Twice.

In winning

A very personal battle

With anxiety

And correcting

A birth defect.

For you see

I am diabetic

Just seeing a needle

Sends me

Into an anxiety/panic attack.

Luckily

I do not need

To inject myself

With Insulin

Yet.

My doctor challenged me

Which my reward would be

To start Estrogen

Thus correcting

My body's deficiency.

If I can

Master my fear

And push

The lancet's trigger

Myself.

Without the aid

Of my friends.

Two long

And stressful months

I waged war

With my inability to

Push the lancet's trigger.

Often

Denying myself

Access to food

Until my glucose level

Was tested.

Not sure

Which was worse

My hunger

Or my frustration.

At my inability

To temporary master

My fear

At that moment.

And yet

Somehow

I did.

Author's Note

I thought, writing this out, would be, an easy task, given how the poem about my 5th anniversary of starting anti-testosterone meds, just flowed from my pen, but I have gone through two versions written out, in longhand, before this version, which I have edited. A rarity for me, give that I tend to post, what I have written, on my first draft. Think, part of my problem is, I am getting very personal, in regards, to my health, both physically and mentally.

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

wow! I did not know this about you. after everything else to know you face this too. Sheesh. What a brave brave soul you are dear Therisa.

[therisa]

Thank you, Tammy, your very positive and supportive comments. Despite my very public poems, I'm a very private person.

[Emily B]

hooray for the huge victories in our lives, onward soldiers everywhere :)

[therisa]

Thank you, Emily, but this is a constant struggle for me, in regards, to using the lancet.