Lingering Self-Doubts

Don't understand

Why you judge me

In such

A shallow and superficial way.

When we have

Never met

Ever.

As I find myself

Self-doubting

And questioning

My every move.

And yet

Acceptance come

From an unexpected area

For me.

The dogs and cats

Of those people

Whom I have let

Into my life.

For they don't see

An abomination to "God"

Or a sideshow freak

Before them.

Rather

A person filled

With love and compassion

Whom they can

Let their guard down.

Like they have

Enter a zone of tranquility

Where their nervous energy

Is safely drained away.

Especially

The abused

And abandoned ones.

But I crave

Your acceptance

And understanding.

Even though

I know

You're abusive

To me.

Does this make me

A monster

In my own eyes?

In wanting

What I can

Never have

From you?

Wish

I knew.

Author's Note

As a result of my abusive past and extremely low self-esteem, I find myself, seeking the acknowledgement of others, for the justification of my existence, as a person. Getting involved with those, whom I should avoid, like the plague, for the sake of my mental and physical health.

I have witnessed and been told, animals are more calmer and less nervous, in my presence than before or afterwards.