One Of Life's Cruel Tricks

A longing, which will never be answered.

An ache

Fills my soul

So deep and longing

I have to hide

The tears that line

My eyes.

Whenever

I see

A mother and child.

Knowing

My inability to

Give birth

To my own child

As a transwoman.

For science

Hasn't advanced

To the point

Of creating

A functional female

Reproductive system.

Leaving me

Feeling less than whole

Like a third class woman

As a result.

Never mind

The numerous times

I have vowed

Against raising a child

In a hate-filled environment.

I experienced

Myself

Growing up.

There is

Something so powerful

About holding your own child

Against your breasts

For their very first feeding.

Which I can

Only watch

From afar

And sigh.

Author's Note

I remember, as a child, watching my cousins sharing with our large extended family, their new borns, during the holidays, and the longing, I had, to be, in their position. Sadly, as a transwoman, I can never give birth to my own children, without placing my life, at risk, to carry out the pregnancy to term. And legally, it is possible to discriminate against me, because of my trans status.

Reviews

[Emily B]

you are a warrior, and mother to a generation of transwomen who will look to you for inspiration and courage

[therisa]

A fighter, yes, but a mother, I can't agree, with you, Emily. As I have too much healing to do, still.

[Emily B]

i have raised a thousand souls in the course of these days as broken as i have been

[therisa]

I see, a woman, who is bent, not broken, when I think of you, Emily. As for myself, I know, my self-image is tainted, thus, the way, I look, at myself.