The Taint Continues

I find myself
Standing upon the edge
Of another precinct
As I struggle to regain
Psychological balance
Lost so many years ago
When I was a child.

Knowing
I need to find a way
To lower my defenses
Allow others
Inside my inner walls.

Without feeling
The constant need
To be counter-attacking
Before hearing
What others
Are offering me.

Having learn the sad lesson
Trust is a double sword
Cutting both ways.

You can not get hurt
If you are the one
Who controls the flow
Of information
With other people.

Oh I know
You will say
This is a very isolating
Way to live life
But I can not endure
Any more emotional scars
Upon my psyche.

There are days
Which I truly hate myself
For allowing this
To happen
In the first place.

Like I am some type
Of disease tainted carcass
To be avoid
At all cost
By everyone.