Of Men, Mice, Liver, and Love

My latest book, Alluminum Cowboys: Poems and Short Stories, is available on Amazon

Nine years old.
Paperback, tattered,
rough in my hands.
I read aloud,
third grade, simple as a puppy.
“Jesus Christ, Lenny,
you dumb son of a b***h.”
The teacher interrupts.
I blush.
But I know Steinbeck is gold.
Life doesn’t always go as planned
for mice or men.
Goodness is soft, small, furry
as a mouse.
And gunshots are inevitable.

Forty-four. Neon jaundiced skin,
jack-o-lantern sadness.
My best friend.
Three kids.
Young kids.
A wife, a mom, a life
at the edge.
Fading away.
It can’t stay, despite the best efforts
to rescue it.
Courthouse, commitment,
AA meetings.
Talks about getting sober.
Until I am tired from trying.
It doesn’t work.
Maybe he’s tired too.

I stand at the side
of his hospital bed.
Touch his hand.
And the words spill
like the booze did,
“I love you, brother.”
He’s in that shadowy place
on the edge of death.
I hope he hears me.
But in that moment,
I show up.
I beat the selfish flesh
into submission.

Life isn’t a fairy tale.
Life can be a horror story.
Dark, steamrolling fuckery.
Apathetic.
And yet, in that hospital room,
with bleach and sadness thick
as the fog
in the loneliest Irish bog,
there is heat.
There is loyalty.
There is compassion.
There is love.

Even when this world
turns a blind eye,
you do the important thing:
you love.
Even when you can’t touch
the pain
and make it go away.

Author's Note

I just posted a new long-form reading on my YouTube channel — the first half of my short story Whoops! along with two poems, There Was a Time Without the Internet and Under My Bed.
If you’d like to hear the pieces read aloud, here’s the link:

👉 YouTube Reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq0UTaJahjg

All my books are available on Amazon.
Thanks for reading and for all your support.

— Thomas W. Case

Reviews

[ETERNITY]

"Fuckery". I guess I got attached to all forms of the word when my mom was dying so excruciatingly slowly from Stage 4 breast cancer.
Her mom died in an instant...brain aneurism ..
I'll make you think. Which way is best?
You're an awesome word master.

[Thomas W Case]

I'm very sorry for your loss....it sucks. My mom is gone too...nothing prepares one for that. Thank you for stopping by.

[ETERNITY]

Thomas W Case, the ironic thing about Death...Once you experience it, you learn to accept it more and more. Then some day we welcome it because it gives us Heavenly Peace. PLUS we''ll be re united!

[Thomas W Case]

Yes. Very true.

[John Sullivan]

My dad's mom, my grandma, died horribly of cancer. My dad took us to see her, one last time at the end. I'm so thankful I had the presence of mind to kiss her cheek and tell her I loved her one last time. The world is a horror story, and the pain is real. Sometimes life feels like a rote multiple choice test, nod dimly, say yes or no... but we can say yes. Try to do a small bit of... something, every day.

Your recent stuff is fantastic, Tom. Sorry you had to go through it.

[Thomas W Case]

Thank you, my friend. I appreciate it.

[Desert Knave]

This took me back to watching my aunt die many years ago and the pain throughout the write is palpable. Great job. ~Jim

[Thomas W Case]

Thank you, my friend, I appreciate it.

[red93]

You are a braver man than I am Thomas, facing the passing of yr dear Brother in this Excellent Poem, although I understand some time has passed since the event. The loss of my own dear Brother last year is still too fresh and painful for me to explore in Poetry. And my brother valued his privacy, I am not sure he would have wanted eulogies from me. But yrs is a Fine Piece and I admire you for writing this ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Thomas W Case]

Thank you, my friend. I appreciate it.

[Neville]

Without doubt truly ragged and real .. Sad too like much of life itself & all decent poetry should be .. Neville

[Thomas W Case]

Thank you, my friend. I appreciate it.

[emmajoygreen]

'Even when this world
turns a blind eye,
you do the important thing:
you love.
Even when you can’t touch
the pain
and make it go away.'

Have lost siblings as well as parents and know and will always feel the pain of losing their love in all its shared forms. Nothing and nobody can - however hard tried, slip into their empty caverns. Ever. Never.

Your writing touches mind and heart, sir.

[Thomas W Case]

Thank you, much appreciated.

[Michael Sun Bear]

More excellent writing. I feel every emotion and believe me, I relate. Maybe 8 or 9 years ago, just before my own divorce, I stood with my wife at the bedside of her niece, in her 30’s, approaching death from liver failure, almost chocolate skinned with jaundice, who could still sit up and proclaim “ I guess I am going to meet Jesus soon.” Also around the bed were my wife’s two brothers, one her father, and my wife’s two sons, all complete a******s. I wished I could throw them all out, hug her, and whisper in her ear what I had been taught of the next life by my own spiritual teachers. But that never happened. It’s a mystery to me why some addicts suffer liver failure young, and others, like myself, who absolutely should have by now, do not. My two best friends, one male, one female, both died way too young of cancer. I know the love and grief you felt. Your stanza beginning with Life isn’t a fairy tale is damn straight, well said brother.

[Thomas W Case]

Thank you, my friend. I appreciate it.