Etches in the sand

memories

What is life but an array of emotions, which when perishes, the structure itself disintegrates... but the patterns stay on.

Thoughts stay on
Wisping out the of the halo
Surrounding the gaze
Is it a maze?
The sense of non-existence
Senses outside the body
Happens to seep
Inside the keep
Fills up each one of the grid
The space non-consuming
How do you feel it?
When do you believe it -
That all that is of existence
Not the body nor the soul
Life is but weary
All perishes but memory
Stays on ...

Reviews

[Justin Tobey]

Good idea. I like the whole theme of it, that after things are gone, memories and patterns of them continue. I profoundly agree with that. I think the sand symbolism was a very good match too. Great write!

[Irfan Shah]

Nice theme and the wording too is very well indeed. I would suggest to break down the first line into 3-4 lines. Also the below lines might be rephrased so that they sound more lyrical. Right now they are somewhat wrote in a manner which make one feel as if one is reading prose, not poem.

"That all that is of existence
Is not in the body or in the mind"

I might be wrong. It is just what I felt the first time I read the poem. Do consult others about it :)