I wait

I wait and I wait

for the acceptance that I desire.

All around me I watch,

as people are praised.

Hoping for one day,

that will be me.

As I wait,

I grow empty.

For when you wait for something

that will never come,

your sense of meaning fades.

I wake up in the morning.

I wait.

Wondering when someone will praise me.

I try hard to grab onto the passing attention

but it disappears fast,

like the light in my eyes.

I do not beg,

nor do I plead.

For that is not the attention that I seek.

I want you to notice me

for something that I've done.

So for now,

I wait.

You may ask me why I don't put myself out there

if it is the attention and acceptance that I want.

And I will tell you,

"I do not want your attention because I forced you to pay it.

I want you to give me the attention that you are genuinely ready to give.

I want you to notice what I've done out of the corner of your eye,

but have it affect you,

and you come to me with the attention that I seek."

So I wait.