It Just Ain't Right (senryu)

One life, tormented

There is no future; no hope

Her children are gone

Author's Note

For Kim Love's competition

I had decided not to join, but then the Fates put this piece into my head, must've been a sign

My dear friend Truman S. Booth has informed me that because this does not deal with nature it is not a Haiku but a Senryu. Thank you Truman :)

Reviews

[KimLove "The Beautiful ..]

I can't make up my mind is this sad because she lost her children to the streets they where victims of violence? Or is it sad because they have moved on with their life and she just feels like nothing without them? Either way my friend it's sad, make me want to cry for her... :(

[silentpoet]

That's very sad...The picture alone had my heart In tears..

[Morgan]

It's amazing that so few words can portray so much sadness and loss. Very beautiful piece.

[Bare Bohemian]

tis a senryu
filled with bleakness and despair
where are her children

[guiltyascharged]

This, was good. Short but sweet, showed a powerful message. A loss of a loved one can hurt in more ways than one. It can destroy you. Nice write (:

[Silent Knight]

Very short, but with such a strong message. Very well done.

[OT]

yes it is a senryu indeed - senryus are normally more cynical and human-nature oriented whilst haikus focus more on a juxtaposition and the nature element (kigo) - though the distinction is more questionable of late - but anyways I digress - this is a good example of a senryu - the tormented life - children gone - concise, straightforward, but it has a weight to it! nice

[Kiari Sabon]

its ok

[Amanda Naomi]

this is beautiful. so simple. so straightforward....
the ease of the poem allows the reader to feel all the pain and loss!
very well done!

[Keevan]

I am at a loss for words. Short and bittersweet. Wonderful write, thank you so much for sharing.

[Roxi L]

You get your point across in so few words its amazing. Alot of people, me included, will tend to make them long and try to extend them. This is amazing.

Writing keeps the dream alive
~Roxi/V~