It Just Ain't Right (senryu)

One life, tormented

There is no future; no hope

Her children are gone

Author's Note

For Kim Love's competition

I had decided not to join, but then the Fates put this piece into my head, must've been a sign

My dear friend Truman S. Booth has informed me that because this does not deal with nature it is not a Haiku but a Senryu. Thank you Truman :)

Reviews

[KimLove "The Beautiful ..]

I can't make up my mind is this sad because she lost her children to the streets they where victims of violence? Or is it sad because they have moved on with their life and she just feels like nothing without them? Either way my friend it's sad, make me want to cry for her... :(

[Branch Isole]

Strong. Complex. Brief.

[Truman S. Booth]

(Just FYI, this is actually a senryu, not a haiku. The difference is only that haikus deal strictly with nature, while senryus cover just about everything else. I learned that my first week here.)

This is a perfect example of this style. It evokes emotion with a subtle story that can be imagined further a hundred different ways, but clearly conveys a message. Well done, TJ. Thanks for heeding those Fates.

[brenda]

short words but still carry a strong message great write !:)

[Butterfly Ninja :3]

For such few words it was really well done :)
It was just a but unclear how she lost her children kin of how kimlove wrote but for only 3 lines its great :D

[ImagineItAll]

Well that was simply sad. You should write a sequel and make it uplifting!

[Suzy Q]

Haiku's are usually about nature... But bend the rules, it's cool... They're meant to be broken.
I really like this, it's heartfelt. Meaningful. Keep up the good work.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

a mother's grief has to be a grief that is beyond compare. I have buried a husband but I cannot imagine the pain of a parent having to bury their child. Well written

[akapr17other]

Such an emotional, sad story in only three lines! Well done.

[Short.Nerd]

Oh wow... such few words but yet I have a great image of this. Wow. Amazing write!

[Lily Mae]

Excellent write..x