Impulses

Is it merely the word unspoken that strangles me in such a suffocating manner? Is it that ‘unnatural’ urge that resides deep within that suppresses me? Or is it my silent cries that no one seems to hear nor see… I suppose any of these repressions could be to blame. What I don’t understand is that if I understand this, than by what means is it that I do not follow the path that my heart so clearly begs of me to follow? Is it by a structuralized society’s wishes that I try to be good to myself when I do not wish to be?

“To deny our impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human”. Well, what is it then that makes me human? It is the cuts, the bruises, the starvation and the anger? Is it the imagined rape and the hoped for beating? Is it the wine and the cigar, the weed and eventually, the heroin? It is decay, then, that makes me human? It would be proper of me to say that I wish it not so, but I do. I want the pain, I want the anger, and I want the hurt. I want it all to make me feel alive. Externally I wish to sow greatness, but internally I indeed wish to reap decay. Am I sick? But by whose terms? Do you deny that you wish not the same thing for yourselves?

Perhaps, in the human world, the mistake is believing that there is of two paths that one may take. Be it the righteous path, or the path of evil. Perhaps, there are more than two, perhaps, seven billion or however many children walk this Earth; seven billion different paths. Each one unique, each set with its own rockiness.

If that is the case, than my path shall be through and by my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain; for my pain defines my beauty. As does yours. And ask yourself, if you were to deny your pain, would you truly be yourself? Or an actor instead?

Reviews

[Croatoan]

The question you asked at the end is very thought provoking.
"would you truly be yourself? Or an actor instead?" You ask.
Obviously, a lot of people would probably say they'd rather be themselves. Then again, some people don't really fully think about the question and the way they answer it. To truly be yourself? Or an actor instead?
Everyone is an actor. A good portion of us don't even know who we are. Or at least we don't know who we want to be on the outside.
Then there is some who do, but don't like who they are so they try to change what makes them...well them.
How can you be yourself when you don't know who you are?
How can you be yourself when you don't like who you are?

Then again, like you said, there are probably more then two paths to choose from aren't there?

This was a very nice read. Great write and well done.

[Jess]

This was very well written and I found some things that I've thought of but never actually put to paper inside this. I really loved the part where you talk about the different paths that we take, because I've thought about how humans have this natural instinct to generalize things so that they can fit into designated categories when really no one is completely one thing, even the most evil person has some good inside of them and vise versa. So thanks for writing down some of the things that have floated around in my head.

[KillerWithWords]

Your main point, at least to my understanding, is that you are questioning what it is that makes us human.
You mention death and you mention impulses.
It is not human to have impulses towards death because we would've all been dead long ago.
...
You bring up a good question: what is it that makes us human.
Good question.

[A Girl]

I think I meant to use the word "decay", but for some reason chose the word "death", which slightly conveys the wrong message. Although, one could be referring to suicide; the thought indeed crosses the minds of many. Anyhow, I think I'll change that now... thank you for your input :]