death lives

..senryu.

• • death lives 

    
    

    the air was blowin', 

    'slips through my veins saying that 

    I'm just nobody. 

    
    

    Never was alone 

    'fore lie revealed the truth 

    life's but a cold wind. 

    
    

    I've learned the laughter 

    they created tears to fall 

    burst of faith was born. 

    
    

    Earth's a shattered mess 

    of greed, pain and shallowness

    world of foolishness. 

    
    

    Nature of man's deeds 

    beneath a darkened dungeon 

    hanging by a thread. 

    
    

    Dark heart still hardened 

    when coins slap a wishing well 

    then a curse was found. 

    
    

    Let this bad dream end 

    though my heart now stops to beat 

    'coz death takes rebirth. 

    
    

    -musicfunk-

Reviews

[Richard Anthony Goulart]

This poem gives a good look at the world that we live in and makes you think to yourself, How can you survive in a world such as this. Great job!

[Barbara Walker]

4th stanza is so true for so many reasons. we could all use a rebirth...

[shunik]

thanks barb =]

[Pax]

Nice one kabayan!

[shunik]

talamat ;p

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Death is a beautiful thing. Exellent read and write.

[shunik]

thanks
=]

[Baby Ricochet]

Great job

[That_Girl]

Wow these are incredible! Each one is superb in its own way. Great!

[shunik]

t.y :)

[RaspberryBullets]

Far out. I may as well stop writing right now! Beautiful.

[shunik]

thanks Rasp
=]

[Aarontastic]

I like these; it's like street haiku with the slang contractions thrown in there. I'm guessing that each of the haiku here are stand-alone poems, and that 'Death Lives' is like the overarching theme that loosely connects them? That's what I was thinking, because obviously haiku are only 3 lines long, and as a single poem, this wouldn't hold together well. If I'm right about that, then I think this is a very cool way to organize haiku and make them more fun to read by grouping several together. Nice job

[shunik]

thanks
=]

[astronaut]

I think this is one of your best in my opinion and since I have three read requests to go this is my favourite out of the ones I have read. You are great with your poetic images and you should try to expand more with different topics in my opinion, because I think you are capable of more. :) You should write more fiction, I think it would turn out good. Great job! :)

[shunik]

thanks a lot
=]