Reminiscence

A man haunted by his lover.

 

Under the morning star
In a calm little cottage
Embraced by sweet little dahlias
Where damselflies dance freely
There is a man reminiscing his love

 

He is painting
Attempting to paint his lover
Her countenance so pale
Her eyes emerald green
Her hair, like the afternoon Sun

 

But he never satisfies
Everything he paints looks so faint
Her skin was healthy and flawless
Her eyes were gay and gentle
Her hair was like an angel’s

 

He remembers
She used to kiss him every morning
She made him pancakes and tea
She skylarked with the damselflies
And the dahlias admired her songs

 

He also remembers the day she died
They were in the forest
The foxes appeared as the Moon
Painted the sky dark blue
The foxes targeted her with their eyes

 

They ambushed her
They pulled out her ginger hair
Scratched her flawless face
And ate her bewitching eyes
He just stood there, watching

 

She will come back to him
She will haunt him evermore
She will scream in his slumbers
Her attempt to tear his face
Will last forever

 

Author's Note

Hope you like this piece.

Reviews

[Yuan]

Oh my god, what a journey of soothing romance turned gruesome and horrific, what have you done to me?..lol, nicely written despite the nightmare that will seep into my sleep tonight. I give you a perfect 10.

[stars are far]

i enjoyed reading this master piece i loved it ...

[李[A]]

I enjoy the structure of this poem. Starting with the three times of a female personal pronoun, there appears to be some parallels with your repetition. I enjoy the way you use imagery to extremes to portray and paint an image. The flow of this poem is also very nice. From a nice background, you move into a nostalgic-style piece. If anything, this poem could use more powerful verbs rather than linking verbs (to be: is, was, etc.). Good job nonetheless! I look forward to more from you!

[Annolyn]

Your foxes in this poem sound like nogitsune. I really enjoyed this piece, would you consider turning it into a short story? I am curious to know why the foxes did this... Beautiful piece of work, wouldn't change anything.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Hmm wow... i love how you ended this, really made a impact on the ending i think, with the feelings. Indeed a haunting write for a man with his lover as you said in your quote. You wrote that really good. I enjoyed it, really nice and different how you wrote this.

[Dewella~Vintella]

Very good, the piece was full of elegant rhythm and flow. It had an almost enchanted feeling to it as I was reading. I liked how you compared his painting to the real woman, it really exaggerated her beauty and love for her.

Great job.

Vinny~

[Enigma]

I did enjoy this piece of writing. You've described everything every well.