Past-due apologies, to you

apologetic thoughts, rushing through my head

I know I left you in ruins,

Without a word but “Roanoke”

And I know that I just shut it off and shut you out

It’s been so long since we last spoke

Sometimes I feel that it was for the best

 I left you in a mess of distress…

Our last few months were the cruelest test

Which I failed, and failed us both

You had warm wishes and high hopes

I was too weak and I fell below

And even after we let it go,

You stayed to save me again and again

“If not lovers, we’ll still be friends,”

Your innocent and hopeful prose

But I am just a thorny rose

And I only hurt you again and again

 

I left forever to save you from myself

And I saw you, from afar the other day,

I’m glad to see you’re doing well.

Reviews

[Relic]

This could be better without the rhymes I think. They feel a bit forced and don't add to the poem. In its most basic form, this is just an apology and nothing special.

[Trang Vu]

Yeah, I wrote this in 8 minutes and just kinda went off of the words flowin in my head. Sorry you don't like it. :1

[Relic]

Well, I wouldn't say I don't like it. It just needs to be revised. I don't re-write people's poems anymore because it's an intrusion on their thoughts, but if you took out the rhymes and a few lines I see it more like this:

I left you in ruins,
Without a word but “Roanoke”
I just shut you out
It’s been so long since we last spoke
Sometimes, I feel that it was for the best

Our last few months were the cruelest
I failed us both
You had warm wishes and high hopes
but I was too weak
And even after we let it go,
You stayed to save me again and again

“If not lovers, we’ll still be friends,” you said
Your innocent and hopeful
But I am not
And I only hurt you again and again
I left forever to save you from myself.

How can I say I'm sorry now?
because I am.

Just an example. BTW, isn't Roanoke a town?

[Trang Vu]

Yeah, I guess it's just different opinions, but I don't like your revision because I can't hear a flow in my head. But then again, that's just how differently people's brains work, you know? Yeah Roanoke is the town that abruptly left without a trace, so I was kind of alluding to that. It's not a literal thing that the person said, but I used it more figuratively.

[Relic]

I didn't really revise your poem with the purpose of having you post it that way, I was just giving you an idea of what I meant without the rhymes. Actual writing takes time, I merely cut words off and tried to end it so it wouldn't sound like something's missing. As I said, I don't re-write people's poems anymore because the majority don't like someone else butting in on their work.

It's a shame more people don't comment on what they think. As you can see, 37 people said nothing. I was just trying to offer a suggestion. I know how it feels to watch the reads go by and be without some kind of an opinion.

Anyway, enough of my chatter. :) I hope you get more reviews with this, good luck.