Unimagined Conversations with a Friend

Based on untrue events.

“I'll be right back; gotta poop!” Tyler said, as he danced away gleefully.

I knew it was going to be a while. Not the waiting time for his excretion, but the undoubtedly erratic adventure he was about to reveal to me. I could see it in his excited eyes. They were illuminated with a furious anticipation - a gleam that would cause most people to question his sanity. I knew Tyler though. He lived for the zeal of ridiculousness and questioned formality with a scatter shot of controversial ideology. He was like Socrates on acid.

A resounding flush of water, followed by an elated moan echoed down the hall. I was sitting cross-legged on the couch, staring intently at the disarranged drug paraphernalia on the coffee table. From the corner of my eye I see a six-foot, eight-inch construction of limbs and wizard accessories prancing towards me. For a moment I wondered if I had entered into a paradoxical ‘Middle Earth’, where I was a lackadaisical ‘Hobbit’ who was about to embark on a long journey with a drug-induced ‘Gandalf.’

Tyler’s rapid fire imagination leapt though his voice: “Ah ha, I have returned from my glorious evacuation!”

I put on an examiners face and pondered with a chin-stroking gesture: “Well, as your proctologist, I must inquire as to the details of such a bowel movement.”

Tyler stepped into the vicinity of a dim lighting, revealing his dilated pupils.

“Not now you fool, for I have found Narnia! It exists!”

“In your toilet?” I promptly responded.

“No, my imaginary friend. Right now Narnia represents an extra-dimensional truth which I have breached through my chemically altered perception. It may not be a sentience external from my physical self, but internally I am witnessing the secrets of the universe and deciphering the various meanings of existence!
“Earlier today I watched the sunset at the beach in San Diego. This was like two hours after I had dropped. I was overlooking the ocean and saw shimmers of rainbow in reflective vibrations. The colors were swimming across the endless waves; I could imagine each individual sound through their motion: The reds were rhythmic percussions, alluding to tribal songs of dance and sacrifice. The blues were soft, angelic melodies that whispered interspersedly with the reds. The yellows were in a constant hum, changing tones as my eyes followed its reflection to the reaches of emptiness. It was so f*****g vivid and surreal - hearing, and empathizing with the light. I was staring at a fixed set of laws of energy, mass and gravity, but I was able to create aural manifestations and meaning through the synergetic majesty of it all.”

I uncrossed my legs only to lay the opposite leg over the one that preceded it.

Tyler continued: “Have you ever
went to scratch your butt, only to find a hair lodged between your sphincter?”

Reviews

[Mira]

Wow...absolutely hilarious. Loving the part on Narnia :D You have a seriously peculiar sense of humour...but who said that could be a bad thing? It's amazing, and I love it!
Hey, also feel free to check my pieces out, I just love getting reviews and ratings :)
FYI, this is a 100/100

[transentience]

Thank you so much, I tend to come off too seriously too often, so your words mean a lot!