Shadows

I'm walking throught the hallway in the middle of a crowded blur
Weaving in and out, trying to keep from being knocked over
I'm searching for somebody but the faces scream distortion and I cant  focus on anything
My legs grow heavy and the crowd grows dense as I  suddenly fall to my knees..

 

it's only then I realize that I am invisible

 

Reviews

[Lori]

I like how this creates a sort of surreal painting for the reader. It creates vivid images with lots and lots to interpret. My only suggestion would be to drop the "and this is nothing but a dream". If you ended just with "then I realize I am invisible" it has more power. It has the feel of a dream already, so I think the reader doesn't need to be told. I'd also go for a stronger verb then "seem" when you say "the faces seem distorted". It's a scene you're drawing for us, so you can just say "faces are distorted." In any case, very evocative, and I love evocative poetry.

[Lori]

The changes really work here. It makes the poem even more evocative.

[Wunderlich]

I really like how you've described this scenario. Excellent imagery and diction. Great job.