Please

I tried to heal myself today

But the ship had already sailed away

With the waves went my soul and my heart

I was carried away from the start

Floating with darkness and light

I just want to get through this damn night

I'm shivering now with the cold

In this water I'm growing so old

So come help erase all the time

And make these broken words ryhme

But no one out there can here these cries

So with the hope all my voice dies

I promised I'll change once you're here

Just come now and find me my dear

Reviews

[Jb]

use

[Jb]

Annabeth, thank you for the critique. To be honest, I seldome times think of technique as rythm as I am writing because if I were to think of it, I wouldn't be able to write at all... that being said though, if I ever want to go anywhere with this (which I most certaintly do), it's deffinetly something to begin being more attentive towards. I'm off to do a bit of editing. I greatly appreciate your advice.

[AK]

I'm wordless for probably the first time in my life. This poem conveys a lot and has been written from the heart. I absolutely love it. Very nice theme to write about. Nicely written too.
Just well...the syllables in the first line are not equal to that in the next line and so on with the rest of the poem. This sort of distorts the flow of the poem and the rhythm is sort of lost. If it was intentional then it's ok cuz it still says a lot

[Slim Pikkens]

It's a basic human need: to be comforted, to make sense of the world. Here, you described, quite nicely, that sometimes, we can't do it alone. I quite agree.