Another sleepless night

I'm not conventionally beautiful

I had a full ride to college and dropped out

Because I eat until I'm numb

And then puke until I see stars

Used to starve myself

And exercise all day

So I had to go into the hospital...

And I'm still not better

I chain smoke in my room when I'm alone

And listen to the same songs over and over

I despise the radio

And wish I was a hippie

I have a wierd obsession with dead flowers

And I enjoy making colloges on ripped up pieces of cardboard

My hair is very big and curly

It's naturally red, but I die it dark brown

Because I think that the contrast is intersting

Against my pale skin

I have eyes that are light blue/grey

I used to paint the areas surrounding them black

But have since come to my senses

And wear considerably less makeup

I cut the word "fat" into my arm three times

Thus, I have three scars of it

Amongst others

I take way too many pills

And wish that I didn't need them

But I have a bunch of different diagnoses

So I follow the little rx script that my doctor gives me

In hopes that it will make things better

I am thankful for my family

But don't get along with them in the least

That is, I don't get along with my mother, father, or brother

Because my mother thinks I'm a waste, amongst other things...

My father thinks I'm stupid

And my brother thinks I'm a failure

I'm 19 years old

And feel as though I've ruined my life

I used to be a championship dancer

And one of the top runners in my school

With a 4.0

But all of those things have gone by the wayside

And writing is pretty much the only thing I'm good at

That is, if I'm even good at it

Sometimes I only feel free when I'm drunk

Or with my boyfriend

I honestly think he's the only person that cares about me

I love him and that frightens me

Because I've never loved anyone before...

And I miss him terribly when he's not with me

I am very self consious of my body

Because I used to be 70 lbs.,

But clearly am much more now

I don't know if I'll ever make "anything" of my self

But feel that society's version of "anything" is boring

I don't know why I'm writing this either

I just know that these are some things

That depict who I am

To a certain extent

Reviews

[Jb]

use?