Bridges Don't Always Burn

sometimes you think you've said goodbye for the last time... and you we're probably better off that way

I’ve let you back again

into my dying soul

not only opened the door but I’ve whispered your name

set up my lures in hopes that you’d come

waiting for the torture that haunts me every day

but love will you leave me again this time

the last was so clear and you were soon out of sight

i devoted my days, even after you’d gone

now that I’m okay did i truly ask for you back

now that i don’t need you i want to just try

to dabble in you and see what it feels like to not care too much

until i fall deep and drown in your eyes and swell up with tears

i almost forgot you after all of these years

but here i am, not even searching for you, and yet it appears a memory with you

and the nostalgia creeps in, like a thief in the night

stealing my ignorance and remembering you again

and i can’t not reach out, that would be wrong,

there was a time when you had always been there for me 

i guess i owe it to you and i owe it to us, the us that we were 

back when i still could trust, in another soul to care for my own

so i hate it but still i type out hello 

and then we are talking and my head starts to spin as i recall all of the things that you did

all of the good when i was in your heart

and everything else that tore me apart

you are one of many all drugs of mine but you were the first

to make me feel so resigned

the first to love me and the first to care

yet also the first to break me because you weren’t there

now i search in everything for some truth of you

a better version who will stay with me through

all of the s**t that scared you away

but somehow today, up pops your name

and with a heavy heart and a deep sigh 

goddamnit i hope this time you won’t make me cry