unground coffee

we will never sit down in a little cafe and I'm not sure if that will ever be okay

i try not to care, since you obviously don’t

it was a short affair, yet i constantly find myself missing you

remembering that feeling which would bubble up inside of me

every time i would see your name

flicker like a light and pop up for me to see

it tricked me into thinking that you could stand by me

i didn’t watch you walk away, i didn’t wave a sad good bye

its as if i blinked and you were gone

disappeared from my life

sometimes ill beckon full of fear, and momentarily you appear

just long enough for me to fall and pour my soul and empty myself

and then you’re gone again without offering any help

i always fall into your spell begging you to notice me

to come back to remember to open up to me

so then you do, and its so sweet, like i am floating within a dream

i start to fall, which feels like floating when you are there with me

your phantom touch upon my skin 

your rich brown eyes pulling me in

i squeeze mine tight and slowly breathe, hoping i can elicit the memories

of your voice within my ear, but somehow i cannot hear

and my eyes open and i stop floating

i fall and i crash and i cry

and you’re gone, but I’m here 

waiting 

oh so patient

for you to wisp back to me

i spend my daytimes waiting 

for nights that are filled with dreams of you

startled and awoken by the memory of your absence 

it happens so often that pull of you into my life

that makes me wish and then reach out, begging you to hear me out

even after i said goodbye and accepted you not in my life

in just less than a week, I’m back and begging for you to listen to me

your talk of drugs and your history 

that familiar addiction is in me

you lied and stole and broke down, to get the object that you had found

to be what you needed to have coursing through your veins

and now in you i do the same

i cannot stay away, theres no respite from you, that drug that i am missing

my hands all over you

you find yourself now sober, and i guess now so am i

since you exited, oh so gracefully,

right out of my life