for answers i will wait forever

waiting on answers that may never come.

i thought that i was just helping

and being what you need, 

how could i have lost myself 

and have begun caring?

i was trying to make you smile

and light up all your days,

how did that turn to my heart hurting

and nights spent raw, awake?

i was just trying to know someone 

to learn of something new,

how did that smile goal,

turn into me falling for you?

and after i began to fall

i could feel you fall too,

how did our falling together 

leave me so distant from you?

as the pages of a book

we were reading just the same,

how did a simple turn of page

leave me here questioning?

how are you now chapters behind,

and me flipping through pages

hoping to find you,

how did i get so wrapped up

in these pages filled with you?

i had sworn to be alone, without a single care,

i decided not to try and to move on from here,

how did having no goodbyes turn into missing you?

God i wish i could walk away

but that would be such a shame.

i just wish i could read your mind

and know what’s in your brain

and truly know the answers

to questions I’ve asked before

actions still speak louder than words

and although you whisper to me

everything i want to hear

your absence is yet deafening

so now i leave no question here

but instead my final plea:

you asked for me to wait for you

so please show up for me.

you said that i was wanted

and willingly i believed,

do not make me a fool again,

please do not break me.

please just stop this pendulum

as you swing from invested and true

to sullen states of apathy as though i mean nothing to you.

please respond as you did before and care in that way too,

i feel the distance growing yet although i am near you.

every time you talk to me it makes my entire day,

but then the silences shaking me, blows all that away.

please if nothing else can come

than would you just kiss me

let me feel for just a moment

your lips here wanting me

if i must go on alone,

leave me that one kiss

an idea of you something concrete

that i can mourn and miss.