you can't call me amazing

you can't call me amazing. you can't look me in the eyes. you cannot squeeze my arm and wait for me to whisper hi.

you

broken one

you confound me so

how can one so hurt, hurt another this way 

you’ve felt your heart shatter

watched them all walk away

have been pained so by watching her with another lay

and yet here you are 

as the roles now reverse

tearing that piece of yourself 

out of another

how can you reconcile 

the hypocrisy of now

when you throw me away

like the trash you think you are

when all of those people hurt you

and made you feel alone

did you learn not a thing, about caring for someone?

Did your scars teach you nothing about feeling unloved

did the wounds you have suffered leave you further undone

to a point where you see someone yearning for you

and finally its your turn to hurt someone too

did you revel in the feeling 

as i reveled in your touch

did it make you feel special to this time not be the broken one

did watching me shatter, leave you somehow more whole

how often did you lie, as your lips entwined with mine

calling me beautiful, making me feel alive

did you hope that i would fall 

for you, and all alone

was the goal for me to want you

to make me feel at home

wrapped up in your arms, enchanted by your smile

i think you wanted me broken, so it wasn’t you this time

so now this feeling lingers, like your lips against my skin

i want to want you broken, to wish you suffering

my fragile broken beauty 

the sunshine i wanted

to hate you would be easy

like how you hate yourself

but i think i hate me more

for falling for your spell

fir still hoping you see me here

trying to ignore you 

or at least hoping you think i am

someone who hurts like this, in the same way that they have been

must be someone so troubled 

not someone who strives to be a man

so go pursue your goals, do what it takes to feel fulfilled

go pursue your manhood, go after all the girls,

hide that scared questioning little boy who doesn’t quite know how

how to figure out his wants or how to let someone down

i try to bite back bitterness 

and stop my tongue to say

“i wish the world had hurt you more, like you hurt me today”

but no i never wish ill will

i want the best for you

but i can’t help but hope the pieces shake

in your duct tape torn facade 

i hope a broken piece fall free 

and then you’ll hurt just like me.