when it's time to say good bye

every heart breaks remembered

Would our hearts be filled with pain?

When it’s time to say goodbye

Will your eyes shed tears?

At the thought of us being apart

Will our love die

The moment we can’t hold hands

Will it fade away

From its form, will it be gone

Because we failed to hold on

To the oat we made

The price we paid

 

Shall our love die because of desperation

Should we hold on

Or shall we close the picture

Should we cut ties

Since you refused to bond

 

Will you really let go of my hand

When it’s time to say goodbye

Author's Note

what do you think?

Reviews

[Abida~]

It conveys a lot of emotions... good one!

[Tumi]

thanks for the review

[JayG]

Well, you did ask, so...😁

Unfortunately, your letter to your friend was delivered to our writing group, instead. And since we know neither you nor your friend, reading of how you remember the way things were induces no emotion in our hearts, other than perhaps, "Aww... poor baby." and I doubt that was your goal.

Referencing things like "the oat we made," which have no meaning to the reader (a local idiom, perhaps?) don't help.

What you're doing is giving your reaction to unspecified events that took place between two unspecified people, for unspecified reasons, which produced an unknown result. Meaningful to you as you read, of course. But what can the words mean to the reader?

So a suggestion. Instead of talking of YOUR pain, give the reader reason to feel it. In other words, cause and effect, not your reaction to an unknown effect.

Make sense?

[Tumi]

yeah thanks for the review

[DIVYA]

I found this to be a very touching write. It gave me the feeling of one-sided love. Such a situation is extremely painful for both the lover and the loved. It's like cutting away an arm or leg. But it must be done. Well written!

[Tumi]

thanks for the review

[DIVYA]

You're welcome.