Fall Back Love

A broken heart still beats.

A wish in the wind

a kiss towards the sea

how did this ever happen to me?

Twisted trampled broken bits,

heavy sadness hangs its head,

go away screams, make it stop pleads.

Is this but loves cruel fate, to crawl

to grind, the hours away in pain

reduced to the tears of sorrowful eyes?

Let go whispers softly, gently,

let if fade like the sunlight 

to this bitter cold winters night.

Reviews

[Richard]

You've managed to capture the hurt of a broken heart very well. I particularly like the futility conjured up by the line, "to crawl to grind, the hours away in pain" as it's so much the antithesis of how time flies when love is new and perfect. There's also a cracking piece of doubled-up alliteration in the second stanza with the, "twisted trampled broken bits" which gives the line the feeling that it's been spat out in anger.

In terms of weighing up the poem as a whole I think you demonstrate a good grasp of word usage and word play but to me the structure doesn't display these great qualities as well as it could. For instance there is a clear rhythm and rhyme to the first stanza but this is abandoned in preference for free verse. I thnk this was a good stylistic decision as reading that first stanza aloud the pain is masked by the light-hearted rhythm but perhaps a re-shaping of the offending stanza might have resulted in a much stronger poem.

If this is a therapeutic piece of writing I hope that baring the wounds has been something of a positive moment for you.

[PaleWriter]

Love is sometimes fleeting, and disappointing to say the least. Like a whirlwind it spins us around and around in grief and pain. Such is life sometimes. Nice writing.

[Hoosier Belle]

Very beuatiful read.

[thoughts of jade]

Judging from this elegant piece of poetry, I think you should get your works published. I love how you wrote it and this is an awesome write :)

[Katie Cullen]

Beautifully done.

[Saisha]

great job! hope you publish some more!