Somewhere Inbetween

Lost somewhere in between what I thought and what I said

What I meant was from my heart, what you heard was from my head

My words were on a road paved with good intent

My mind tagged along and down the wrong road they went

Misinterpreted; Misunderstood; Often what becomes of love

Misguided; Misdirected; Clearly all of the above

The distance between head to heart is far and wide

Heart to heart even farther when feelings are kept inside

I can't always explain how I feel or what I mean

But you'll always find something somewhere in between

Reviews

[VennelaMargame]

I like the rhythms in this one. The alternating iambs and anapests work well to give it a musical sound. If you are musical, I would actually suggest trying to make this into a song, as these come off very much like song lyrics. I could hear this with a light acoustic guitar backing.

There are some nice bits of alliteration and assonance at play here, so cultivate that, and as always, beware of language which has appeared in too many poems before. "Road paved with good intent" works excellently in a song, but in a poem it comes off as old-fashioned sounding, if what I'm trying to say makes any sense.

Best wishes and happy writing.

[Eileenws]

Nice poem on the perils of communication. I think anyone can relate to this. This would be a good piece to read out loud at an open mic. Nicely done. Eileen

[John]

"But somewhere in the between,
there's a life of which we all dream,
and nothing or no one will ever take that away."
-Tomas Kalnoky

[John Stussy]

This dude pretty much gave the best response that could have been given to this piece.

[John]

You are welcome.

[Bane]

This could be set to music. Good work.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I'm can't; no I can't!
but it works as another lovely well balanced piece.

[Maya]

This is so beautiful :) i really like the way you worded everything, even the way its formatted makes it really easy to understand.

[Trigorin]

Not bad, but I do somewhat get the feeling that the lines are a little too long and could be broken up a little in order to make a more clear and powerful piece. It's good writing, I just think it could be made a little better with that change.

[Black Rose]

Nice poem

[Coyote Poetry]

"The distance between head to heart is far and wide"
I like this poem. Such good logic and wisdom in the words. Hard to know the place we need to be. Sometime we need to dance in the inbetween. Nice flow of thoughts leading the reader to a very good ending. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote