Rant

I’m trying to force the words to come to my mind that may make my soul feel lighter.  The words that will express the feelings that I can’t bare to show.  The words I can write down and let them go in a world where people might read them and maybe they won’t. But at least I would get them out.  I’m trying to twist and bend my feelings into words to explain the chaos inside my mind.  This is a task I am unable to do.  I don’t know how to put these feelings into words and when I force them it never comes out right.  It doesn’t come from my soul it comes from my mind and nothing in me feels better.  So why when I feel I need the relief I get from writing more then ever am I not able to find the words? Why when my soul is crumbling and the temptation of my own personal demon is at its worst am I not able to write a line that will release some of this pain.  I think it’s that I’m scared.  Subconsciously I am afraid that if I let one line out to relieve the pressure that’s getting ready to blow that I will completely fall apart and down on the floor and that maybe just maybe this time I won’t get up.  I’ll dig deeper and deeper numbing out on the way until I become a girl I do not know.  But I know if I don’t get it out I am going there any way.  My heart is already shattered and my soul is going black.  I look into the dead eyes of the one who used to always have my back.  His heart is still beating and his skin is still warm but the person that I know is gone from his body and left him with out a soul and the deeper that he digs the farther down I am dragged because I don’t know how to let him go.  Out of fear, out of love, out stupidity maybe I’m not sure.  So I seek the relief of a demon but that’s only short lived so I turn to a blank page instead but the words won’t fill the page as my mind continues to race driving me insane! So please some one tell me how it is I feel.  Some one tells me what its like to feel real for just a moment so that I can believe that this too shall pass again for me.  That this hole that I’ve jumped into is the end of the road if I choose to pick myself up and do what I know to do. Its one day at a time.  Today I am clean. I have stains on my skin and holes in my heart but just for today my blood is pure and at least I have a chance.  As for him, I fear the devils got his skin.

Author's Note

Its just a rant.

Reviews

[terry smith]

go find a mirror,stand in front of it.look at yourself, there are many people that see you as beautiful,smile,now close your eyes...after you read this of course :) and think of all the wonderful things you loved as a child,someone else loves them too. someone out there right now is looking for someone just like you. they may be a little damaged, but aren't we all.as for writing you start out with a scream
black death on the page, swear write about tears and blood, it may all be crap but after a while the right words will come. then you edit.

[underthemask]

Thank you. I needed that.

[terry smith]

Anytime:) .