One Day

I'm happy!

i want to get lost in her eyes,

 i thought love was all lies.    

 

 i want to be held in her arms,

 i love all her charms.  

 

  i want to be with her today,

 but were so far away.          

 

distance is the only thing between us,

 ill walk it all if i must.          

 

 someday ill get there,

 and well be together forever.                

 

 one day my girl,

 ill give you the world                                                    

                                                                

Author's Note

Review please! Thanks.

Reviews

[David the writer]

Short, but I know how you feel. Distance can be a b***h! The review, it was very short, the rhyming was on/off idk if it was supposed to be there. It had a sharp point that made it self clear. It was good though it needed more length, but sometimes things get ruined when people drag them out

[Aurora .I.]

Once again, an absolutely adorable poem that made me feel all happy inside! Great work! Keep it up! Thank you for sharing your art with the world and I'm looking forward to the next piece!

[Dearantlers]

Wow, this is great! One suggestion, capitalize your i's and where it says "ill walk it all if i must" I'll looks like ill, as in sick. It didn't make sense till I figured it out. But, forgetting all of that I loved it. I think it's amazing that you got such a good rhyme scheme going, cause that is hard to do. I loved it!

[.Lost Soul.]

I agree with Afra. Lucky girl. lol :) But anyways, great :) One suggestion i have for some of the poems i have read, work on spacing. It helps the flow. But they're still wonderful no matter what
95/100

[afra]

awww ...well she is a very lucky gul i must say

[wonderful_wishes]

I love this

[Laura S.]

Sweetest thing ever.

[Remember Courage]

aw this makes me think that the person you have written this to is your daughter. I think also that it is as if your on a trip somewhere, or that your separated by some force. That was really touching that you would walk all that way to see her. I liked this poem very much.
-Courage

[w]

I enjoy the message.

The delivery seems to be a little juvenile. Is the format the way you want it or is that a mistake? Grammar doesn't mean a lot in certain forms of poetry, but spelling does. "were" should be "we're"

A promising start to something that could be wonderful.

[Owlgirl]

That's such a sweet poem, it kind of reminds me of the song "Hey There Delilah" by The Plain White T's. It's rare to find such upbeat poetry, awesome job!