FiRst LoVe

 

I don’t value what I feel,

When I axiom her face so lucid,

Clear of view and all,

That I miss her very charming grin

Smirk that causes me to fall,

To fall in love only at initial prospect,

I can’t appreciate what I think,

To a star like you, who make my heart MELTS…

Darkness unoccupied when I saw you,

For my heart beats faster only for you,

Your smile that makes my heart softer,

My heart so tough, you coach so firm…

My first pound of my heart,

My first love I utter,

The individual who makes my heart tremble,

For a short period of instance,

She made me feel I’m human…

 

Reviews

I like it a lot, but try getting it to rhyme more, and not a few lined.
Tip: MAKE IT CATCHY!!!! :)

[heich]

kinsa ni?lol..

[Dan Ryoma]

I like the subject matter of this poem. However, the poem lacks rhythm and fluidity. I catch myself reaching each line as an individual sentence. Also, axiom is a noun, not a verb. There are other small editing errors like that one scattered through out the poem.

[Brandon]

i loved this and know exactly how you feel man i went through this in december and it feels good at first but later on it sucks as hard anyway great work keep it up

100/100

[TeenRomance2]

This poem sounds very grown-up and mature for it's subject matter. I like it though :-)

[Ian Faraway]

Mind Reader! Very true, so personal for me too. Nicely done!

[Randolf Ramos]

What a great poem!

[The Fatal Lover]

Wow. I loved it. Great job. =)

[cheeks]

this is a cute , well written poem.