Red Door

The dark secret sealed behind it.

I can't seem to find the words though I desperately want them so bad. I want to tell you but I can't. Nothing comes forth. I just know I feel whatever this is. ALL OF IT. And I see how far I've come and how far I must go. If you could sit with me and just hold me. Instead of commanding me. Instead of pushing me. Instead of asking me questions. If you could just let me cry on your shoulder and be human for once. Just this once.

My soul is aching so bad. I cannot express it aloud. I can't. I try but I can't. I hate this mind of mine. Emotions feel the enemy here so I push them away. And I feel the rage deepen. I can't embrace it because I am too scared to do so. Endless cycling. Endless fight. Endless fight with me. Me with me. How can I tell you I need help?

But you can't help me in this. I have to be strong enough to open this door. But I feel powerless like my hand is lead. And if you know what that's like then maybe we can get somewhere toward to opening that door. That door holds that dark secret of mine. That is not my burden. I didn't do wrong. But wrong was done to me. Here is my hand, take me with you. Hold me. And find the way to help me. I hope but I dont' how to do this...