Unheard

Its always been this way 

My voice has never carried a single important note for another

None have cherished a word that has fallen from my lips

the very foundations of my voice have been shaken

and i am left to wonder

does anyone listen

does anyone hear me

although I shout as much as I can

silence overcomes me

I wallow in my silence

it suffocates me, it is loud and bothersome

but no one can hear the silence that I pose

I scream Inside, so that no one can hear me and think that I am a freak

and when I do speak my voice doesn't resonate

doesn't move mountains, doesn't cause change, doesn't cause the earth to tremble at my feet

It doesn't do anything

I try to articulate but the wind catches whatever sound that comes from my vocal cords and chokes it as it comes out

I remain unheard

A delicate predicament but I have lived so long with it

I cannot sleep, cannot eat, because I am still carefully forming the words just so, wondering that if I do so will it make me heard

I lose myself, lose my bearings, slip and fall in and out of cracks, just waiting for the day when I will burst and everyone will hear my beautiful words and so that I can become free of this parasitic fear that is drawing my lifeblood from me

Staining me, leaving me with marks, totaled and caught up 

but before then 

I will have run out of breath to say anything else

silence becomes me 

and I am left breathless and unheard, unbearably.

In the end the choice is mine to be left unheard or to keep trying

If I want to be heard then let it be