Be Careful

i told you big news tonight.

big news that involves the balance of my life.

it wasn't skinned knees or stubbed toes.

but marks that bubble red

and when they rise they represent my lows.

soon after we played the lunch break game

the amount of time I get always seems to change.

the clock chimed nine and off you went

to celebrate the release of your obligation

in houses filled with merriment

but sometimes in this punch-card love

the slot I fill just isn't enough.

and one day in expectance of your break

the red will overflow

and cement will hear the sound your apologies make.

Author's Note

One of the darker ones. This is a first draft, really. I needed to get it out and I like it. But it's raw and rough.

Reviews

[A. Amos]

dark yet meaningful one can easily sense coming right out of your soul, good piece of poetry my friend job done well

[zainul]

Interesting work.
Enjoyed it.

[Sarah Redigan]

really feels like it has a deep meaning straight from the heart ...

[Lipstick_Lesbian]

This is beautiful work. That last line just struck me to the core of my being.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Raw is real and you can feel.
'Sorry , life iis dark and ths is
black of night. That is the way
it is.
---- John

[Poetry child]

i agree it is RAW n wow did i FEEL that rawness! deeply felt emotions here...

[Kaylor Mason]

"Cement will hear the sound your apologies make" That sent a shiver through me. This was awesome, brutally clear . . . I think it could either be a threat or a warning, like someone who has definitely had enough. I really liked this a great deal.

Very good piece. I like the darkness inside of the poem. Also, it said it a lot with very few words. Very good.

[fireblossom]

I love this. Heartfelt and serious. No melodrama. Very nice.