Mosh

I find mosh pits to be liberating; the conscious decision to release your safety into the hands of strangers releases my regret and timid habits.

Boiling; the intensity

Intensely

Increases

Building

Resentment

Thrown into the pit; slightly

Empty in understanding as to the danger at

The mercy of the

Thrashing; the

Throng swallows the frame of a

Painting not quite yet

Completed

Begging to be

Spattered with the

Sweat of the

Masses

Blood of the

Fearless

Traced with the uncertainty of

Pain; the promise of such

Well composed blooming

Bruises; on the limbs of

The fighter

As he proves his

Paintbrush

Author's Note

Really any feedback would be appreciated.

Reviews

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I am too old to know the experience of a mosh pit, but I do understand the breaking free of inhibition and the need to do something wild and daring. I think you have captured that feeling well. Your use of the theme of a painting throughout is unexpected and original.

[Joli Dy]

Gorgeously rendered perspective. Love the survey to the brushes of others.

[Horizons]

Ok, i got the point what you wanted to say, you've well expressed about Mosh pits.. everything you've written here in the poem's about mosh and how the things happens eventually you just welll converted into the words. Nice flow. Theme's great.

[GamingGal]

Wow, I never would have thought I would see a poem about a mosh pit! They can be quite fun, but dangerous at the same time, which you capture exquisitely.

I must say your writing reminds me of Ellen Hopkins and her books. Have you ever read those? You should if you haven't. Perhaps you'll see what I'm talking about :)

[Heather Clayton]

Well, as an old-timer mosher you wrote it beautifully, very artistic with the words...