[untitled]

007014008

 

Because of my curious thoughts

My eyes were opened

To something I shouldn't have seen

 

Now I'm cloaked by jealousy

Of a past life you once shared

With someone else

 

My heart feels a pinch

At the thought of a happiness

That wasn't brought by me

 

So selfish this notion is

But in the end I proved to myself

You mean more than what shows

 

Reviews

[Lori]

I like this poem, and I could certainly relate to it. My only suggestion is to make the first stanza less passive, and less distant. Maybe there's a way to put it in the exact moment. The peek at the diary or an old e-mail, whatever the actual spur is to the poem. At the very least, "curious thoughts" could just be "curiosity", and instead of "my eyes were opened / to something I shouldn't have seen", you might try "I saw you..." (put something specific shared from his past. Themiddle of the poem is so strong and visceral with the "cloak of jealous" and the "pinch" of the heart. The last stanza went back to being more abstract, and I was curious about the ending, particularly the last sentence. "You mean more than what shows". It made me see the poem differently, as in perhaps the relationship here is clandenstine (affair). In any case, it's a strong poem, and I hope I didn't sound too nitpicky, because I like the voice in the poem a lot.