Mindless Contemplation

007022008 Based on my personal feelings about myself....

 

I opened my mind
To the notion
That happiness
Was within my grasp

I feel foolish
For I know not exactly
What it is
That will truly grant my wish

The burning of my eyes
Is a testament
That I've yet to accomplish this
I feel defeated

Do I rely my happiness
To others?
Indeed I do
I'm as needy as they come

Is this so wrong?
Perhaps
Or maybe not so much
What do you think?

Be happy with myself you say?
Love myself first?
Easy to say
But not so easy with actions

I've talked about my flaws
Have you listened at all?
I can't see passed the things
That make me feel weak

I want acceptance
I want to be admired
My confidence has faded
What is there left then?

Shadows
Of my past
Of my present
Nightmares

The images that haunt me
Wide opened
I am threathened
Paranoia sinks in deeply

Am I being judged?
The same way I judge anyone?
Oh how cruel!
But is this my just deserves?
 

Reviews

[Chaos]

You bring up some intersting ideas on this one. However, because the flow is sporadic in places and the ideas are wide for misinterpretation. I feel, if you close up some of the abstracts and you smooth out the meter, I'm sure this poem would become powerful. I think this piece has great promise.

[Emily Rose]

Again, this has some nice sentiments in it, but it doesn't really stick out in my mind because the ideas are too abstract and big. Although it's easy for most readers to relate to a general feeling, a general feeling is just that: general. It's the imagery and metaphor of a poem that really makes it stand out. All that being said, it is still a nice poem and I like the questioning feel that it has - it prompts the reader to question him (or her) self.

There were two lines I could not make sense of, however: "Do I rely my happiness/
To others?" One can rely on others, but "rely" is not a verb that takes an object. To use it correctly you would have to say "does my happiness rely on others." (It is, by the way, a very good question; one that I've asked myself many times before.) Keep writing!