Walking Away

I said goodbye

fully intending to never see him again

I actually strutted away

 

 

my head held high

a smile sneaking its way onto my face

He was  so close to groveling

 it was making me high

 

I was having an excellent hair day

 I had on the jeans that arranged

my butt cheeks into a perfect heart

 

I swayed like a model on the runway

feeling my strength ooze from every pore

I was giddy with power

 

I sauntered away

leaving him , his cruelty

 his beautiful eyes

and those perfect lips

 

behind.

 

It took a month

and a slew of late night phone calls

until I was back

where I  started.

 

infatuated and under his spell once again.

Powerless once more.

 

But I  remember that feeling

of walking away

and I know that strength exists

somewhere inside me.

 

still.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Shara Faskowitz]

There is a terse, clipped quality to the observations you make. They communicate the tension the narrator is feeling, the trapped quality. I think there are some extraneous words that aren't adding anything poetic, and therefore could be eliminated (some of the "ands" for example and tenses that can be reduced from perfect to simple (like "where I had started" to "where I started"). Just my opinions of course. It's really good writing. You communicate emotion well.

[Tim McGovern]

Interesting piece.
There is almost a Dom/ cruelty in your " power" and the ending is almost like a "relapse" of an alcoholic or addict.
I love the phrasing and line breaks and the reader feels your exuberance as you walk away ( and the heart shaped a*s is a great visual especially for men)
My only b***h, the final " still" would be stronger if you changed or eliminated the " But I 'still remember.."
Maybe just "But I remember"?
In any case, a most enjoyable read.

Thank you
Namaste'
Tim

[lost girl]

hhhmmmmmm, the control of the control, just deafening...so hard to walk away....so easy to walk back in:}

[J.P.O.et]

Great review by Travis, I agree with him about the 'behind' and 'still'
you accomplish just what you intended
that feeling though
of knowing you can walk away(and have before on 'a good hair day')
yet we can't or at least we don't
Isn't it frustrating at times
Good piece
J.P.O.et

[Travis Lawrence]

The end was a twist, to me anyway. I didn't expect it. I love how you isolate "behind" and "still", they give the poem a slower pace, and the space in between adds to the symbolism, etc.

Have a nice day!